Indianapolis, IN

Lynhurst School

Run Time: 62:27 + 2-minute kick

An unseasonably warm day in one of the least impressive large cities I have visited. It felt great to be out for a run as the sun went down. I have been running very infrequently. Cold weather, holiday activities, travel, and generally low motivation have been the primary factors.

I prefer to avoid whining. If I don’t feel like running, I might not run. I might run. Either way, it won’t be the end of the world. If it were the end of the world, would I want to be out on a run when that happened? Maybe. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in Indianapolis.

Another trade show in Indy — this one for the Racing industry, appropriately. Another industry for which I have a passionate disinterest. It was kind of fun to see all of the racing simulators, though. In this age of climate change and fossil fuelage, I can get behind all racing being simulated. Why not?

I had to hop a short fence to get on this track. Six locked gates. There was a mobile staircase inside one corner that I could grab onto to facilitate the illegal entry. About 200 SUVs drove past me as I ran, picking up surly teenagers, no doubt. No athletic practices on this beautiful early winter day to force me to the sidewalks, which is good, because my hotel was right by the airport in a borderline neighborhood. The mile trip back-and-forth crossed over I-70.

Not sure why I have felt unmotivated lately. I have the Carter malaise. I battle in my mind over my calendar and task list — too much, or at least, too much of the unimportant. I went deer hunting for two days — Michigan deer hunting is boring. The terrain just doesn’t inspire feelings of the majestic wilderness. I need peaks and canyons and steep sidehills that weed out the weak.

The malaise is partly attributable to a lifetime of unfulfilling work. I have mostly come to terms with the unfulfillment. I find my fulfillment in other ways — family, writing, reading, hunting in places other than Michigan. What gets me about work is when I get worked up about it, when I start thinking I have to fix shit that I have little control over, when I start feeling like I am blameworthy if I don’t work miracles. It’s just work. I always do my best — that is one of the Four Agreements — but I don’t always care equally about the result. It’s just work.

Work is necessary, but don’t be duped. We are here for bigger things.